FABLES OF THE CARPAILTIN CAMPFIRE, volumes 1 - 4
SHINDAHEEN, VOL. 1
Two great women come from the annals of time and legend to champion their separated civilizations, hovering on the brink of war. Non-stop action, warm poignancy and outlandish humor in this tale, the first of the FABLES OF THE CARPAILTIN CAMPFIRE. Imagine spending the afternoon with Yoda, Twain and Zelazny. Then read Shindaheen.
"She is the Tigress in your dark, and the phantom at your vision's edge - and on Great Jenkaat is she to be found!"
"She is the Tigress in your dark, and the phantom at your vision's edge - and on Great Jenkaat is she to be found!"
FIRE AND ICELAND, VOL. 2
The Chadishar, Shindaheen and four thousand Native American warriors meet the unlikeliest invasion in the unlikeliest location., turning our preconceptions of off-world life upside down. Other-world attempts to make sense of Earth, however, go a long way toward straightening us out, if we'll only pay attention. Where are they from. Why are they here, and do they really eat that stuff? Vilia's not going to like this one bit...
"As a fantasy reader of Icelandic heritage, I am appalled at the liberties taken here with my ancestry. No member of MY family, even in the fourth century, would behave in such a way!" - Helga Gunkisdottir, Helgafell Historic Society
"As a fantasy reader of Icelandic heritage, I am appalled at the liberties taken here with my ancestry. No member of MY family, even in the fourth century, would behave in such a way!" - Helga Gunkisdottir, Helgafell Historic Society
THREE ROADS TO WAITSBURG, VOL. 3
"Do not worship logic where logic is not useful. It is often the elixir of mediocrity. Neither Disneyland, love nor half of the food and wines in France came about through the virtues of logic. It is a guide for surviving physical dangers on earth, but has nothing to do with its beauty, or even its progress, other than as a system for measuring it. It sent us to the moon, but never did and never will provide the impetus to go there, or anywhere else. Outside of buying used cars and entering Asian wars, skepticism is the art of making life as small and as unspectacular as possible. Never laugh at the Ark if you want to make it into the Bible."
"Greetings, fellow traveler. How do you plead today? Stand and offer it!" - Lewis Carroll would have approved as a well-armed Alice goes down the rabbit hole once more. In The Conundrum, 'Off with her head!' will be the least of her worries."
"Greetings, fellow traveler. How do you plead today? Stand and offer it!" - Lewis Carroll would have approved as a well-armed Alice goes down the rabbit hole once more. In The Conundrum, 'Off with her head!' will be the least of her worries."
AIRNA OF KARAPIN, VOL. 4
What do you do when your time fold is under attack? Close it down, grow a new one, appoint a new queen who's never touched a weapon and go on vacation in Legend...of course.
"Gray's life wasn't about getting from here to there, but the most earnest effort to remember and celebrate everything between the two. He saw, even in every Mofford, a potential Prince." - Marta, of the Shindaheen Sisterhood
"Gray's life wasn't about getting from here to there, but the most earnest effort to remember and celebrate everything between the two. He saw, even in every Mofford, a potential Prince." - Marta, of the Shindaheen Sisterhood
STORMFIELD - TALES FROM THE HEREAFTER
It's Twain's turn, so don't interrupt. For those who are not sons and daughters of The South, do try to remember that there is a standard of decorum here. Note the dignity of the 'Southern Pause' and the lilt of the dialect. Forsake, then your silly speed reading and other such literary atrocities...and may peace attend you as you navigate the river.
"Now, there are some newfangled thinkers coming along these days who believe that I'm looking at the passage of time in a wrong-deaded way entirely. They call it 'linear thinking.' Fella told me I shouldn't think of it as a line. But, how do you tell that to a river being whose vision of Heaven is that sacred 'line' of water? Well, answer me that, hmm?"
"Now, there are some newfangled thinkers coming along these days who believe that I'm looking at the passage of time in a wrong-deaded way entirely. They call it 'linear thinking.' Fella told me I shouldn't think of it as a line. But, how do you tell that to a river being whose vision of Heaven is that sacred 'line' of water? Well, answer me that, hmm?"
WINTERREISE (WINTER JOURNEY)
Experience the poems of Franz Schubert's great song cycle as a twenty four stage psychodrama. Have you met Irrlicht, the dreaded Knochenfrau, or Leiermann himself? You'll be asking questions of yourself and the person next to you that you never wanted to ask. Remember when you learned that it was ok to go into the woods? Scratch that. Everyone takes the journey, but not like this.
"There is a kindness that walks abroad, and sometimes all it takes is a snowball"
"There is a kindness that walks abroad, and sometimes all it takes is a snowball"
THE SIMPERING, NORTH DAKOTA LITERARY SOCIETY
Card shark and ex-nun Farika Zingarella won the greatest game of poker ever played. Her prize was the town of Simpering, North Dakota. Gathering like-minded geniuses to her side, she established an empire capable of fending off the world - and that is precisely what they did. There wasn't much to laugh about in 1919. Word War I had ended and fascism was on the rise overseas. American women held fast on the suffrage question. Then along came the 'Mighty Five' of the Literary Society. You've never lived in a town like this!"
THEY SICKEN AT THE CALM WHO KNEW THE STORM - Dorothy Parker
THEY SICKEN AT THE CALM WHO KNEW THE STORM - Dorothy Parker
THE SHARPSHOOTERS OF SIMPERING, NORTH DAKOTA
So, you don't believe that the Simpering story really happened? Well, here's the prequel to prove it. Edielou's early years, the conquest of Reno and San Francisco, the sinking of the Maine, the Spanish-American War, Nellie Bly's trip around the world and oh yes...the one and only Annie Oakley. She'll tell it to you straight. Read the prequel and learn the truth!
"Local rancher Ted Gursky probably said it best. "Gull dangit, that was one honey of a nun. I'm sorry if I'm not s'posed to think about a nun that way, but if God don't have more sense than to make 'em look like that, then I'm just gonna keep on lookin' If he don't like it, then he kin jus' start making their teeth go crooked or skewin' their eyes, 'cuz that was one honey of a nun!"
"Local rancher Ted Gursky probably said it best. "Gull dangit, that was one honey of a nun. I'm sorry if I'm not s'posed to think about a nun that way, but if God don't have more sense than to make 'em look like that, then I'm just gonna keep on lookin' If he don't like it, then he kin jus' start making their teeth go crooked or skewin' their eyes, 'cuz that was one honey of a nun!"
DANCING WITH RITA
A dance-challenged seven year-old boy sets out to prove that imagination is the true reality, not that other noise we call life. Messing it up, as usual, he's forced to live childhood and adulthood at the same time on both sides of the reality line. Read "Dancing With Rita" to learn the fine art of buccaneering.
"And that's why, my friend, as you measure the boundaries of your box and thrash about in society's harness, I'll be dancing with Rita, who thinks I'm the greatest thing since cherry phosphates. Let the Walter Mittys of the world grieve over their hand of cards and revel in their religion of regret. I'm dancing with Rita, who sees me as eternally young, smart, sexy and exceptional in every way. Out there, I'm just another journeyman nerd, but in here? Nyaha! In here, I'm buccaneering, and I'm good at it!"
"And that's why, my friend, as you measure the boundaries of your box and thrash about in society's harness, I'll be dancing with Rita, who thinks I'm the greatest thing since cherry phosphates. Let the Walter Mittys of the world grieve over their hand of cards and revel in their religion of regret. I'm dancing with Rita, who sees me as eternally young, smart, sexy and exceptional in every way. Out there, I'm just another journeyman nerd, but in here? Nyaha! In here, I'm buccaneering, and I'm good at it!"
RAT-TA-TAP! DANCING WITH ELLIE
Seven year-old Joey's mother was famous for suggesting that her son would try anything twice. His thirty year old self proved it on the other side of the dream line. If you're seven here and thirty over there, who's going to make the important decisions when you fall in love with a tap-dancing movie star for the second time in two months, who isn't in either of your eras? From the infamous Studebaker people to a tundra woman with the DNA markers of a grizzly bear, you'd better get yourself a steaming bowl of gizmo on schmo and be ready for literary mayhem. This is living proof that what you make up can wake up.
"Leaning back in her hospital bed, Ellie's hands could still reach my neck. Uh-oh, here it came. 'Marbles?' she whispered. 'You put marbles, children and a dance rehearsal in the same room?
"Leaning back in her hospital bed, Ellie's hands could still reach my neck. Uh-oh, here it came. 'Marbles?' she whispered. 'You put marbles, children and a dance rehearsal in the same room?
LADY JANE'S MIRACLE
Teri Jane McRae meets with catastrophe outside of the Vancouver City Library, and is hurled into the pages of what she's just finished reading. She could have chosen an easier setting, and apparently, there are a lot of others. The whole mess will have to be worked out by Father Zossima, an escapee from a Dostoyevsky novel, and his purported "miracle."
The man who falls in love is never lost. He's in terrible, terrible trouble - but never lost.
The man who falls in love is never lost. He's in terrible, terrible trouble - but never lost.
AMERICAN SUCCUBUS
Listen up, men! It doesn't matter if you're five or fifty, if you're a prizefighter or fighter pilot, cello prodigy or ballet dancer. If you've ever been stalked by one, lived with one, married one (heaven forbid), or picked a fight with one, you don't need me to explain the trouble you're in.
"All right then, just show me one thing you do to show a person you love them. Come on, I'm an Empress...I can take it!"
Flipsy drew the Empress into his arms and gave her the best thirty seconds a handsome, talented and terrified American man can give a girl, whereupon she promptly did the unthinkable for succubi royalty - she fainted dead away, sending them both crashing into the bushes on Charles Street.
"All right then, just show me one thing you do to show a person you love them. Come on, I'm an Empress...I can take it!"
Flipsy drew the Empress into his arms and gave her the best thirty seconds a handsome, talented and terrified American man can give a girl, whereupon she promptly did the unthinkable for succubi royalty - she fainted dead away, sending them both crashing into the bushes on Charles Street.
